The story opens with four characters, Mel, Terri, Nick, and Laura, sitting around a table drinking gin. What began as a casual conversation about love eventually turns into a sort of impromptu soul-search, of which Mel was the primary instigator, I felt. Several quotes stood out to me: "There was a time when I thought I loved my first wife more than life itself. But now I hate her guts. I do. How do you explain that? What happened to that love? What happened to it, is what I'd like to know. I wish someone could tell me. Then there's Ed. Okay, we're back to Ed. He loves Terri so much he tries to kill her and he winds up killing himself." Mel then goes on to say that if something were to happen to one of them, he thinks the surviving party would eventually love again, and that their original love would become a memory, "maybe not even a memory". He called it both a terrible thing and a good thing - a kind of "saving grace." I know what Mel is talking about, but I still don't think he's hit the nail on the head quite yet.
I feel as though these characters are talking about love as if it's as free as the wind, and no one really knows where it comes from or where it goes. It's easy to feel that way sometimes. But I think that love, real love both romantic and otherwise, is a choice, kind of like faith. If I get married, I'm sure that sometimes I'll not "feel" as though I love my husband, but that isn't the point. Sometimes I sense God all around me, and sometimes I feel as though I'm totally by myself - that isn't the point either. There are things that you choose to do, like praying and putting other people first, that have feelings associated with them, of course, but even when those feelings seem to be missing, you still do them.
Regarding the second quote I described, I do understand Mel's point. How do you love someone with all your heart, and when they die, you move on? Some people can't. But for those who can, does that mean that they didn't really love the first person, or that they don't love them anymore? I don't think that love turns into "not even a memory", if it was real. I think it transforms into a different kind of love.
Lastly, about Ed. As I stated before, there is a difference between "feeling" and love. The kind of "love" Ed had for Terri seems more like an abusive infatuation, as if he needed her for some purpose. If he truly loved her, I don't think he would have tried to kill her.
By no means am I saying that if you love someone, you will always be nice to them or never make mistakes. There will surely be disputes that end up deeply wounding both parties. But the essence, the foundation of love is striving to be patient, kind, and persevering - willing to accept the worse end of the deal. Like the man who visits his alzheimer's-stricken wife in the hospital every day even though she doesn't know him anymore, or the military wife who waits for her husband even though she isn't sure he's coming back, or Jesus on the cross.
I didn't come away with much from this story. The vulgar language was distracting and offensive, and I didn't need to read a detailed tale about an automobile accident in which an elderly couple was severely injured and a nineteen-year-old man was killed. It made me feel sad for a while, and I did ponder some things, but lost love, the essence of love, and people dying are subjects I think about a lot. I don't feel as though I have learned. This work isn't the kind of friend I'd call for help or encouragement. It isn't even really one that I'd like to associate with on a regular basis, so I suppose I'll tip my hat and walk on.
Catherine, I think that you're giving up on this story too soon.
ReplyDeleteYou need to make a distinction between the story and the characters in the story.
The characters may be vulgar, misguided, and off-putting to you. But, as I see it, the story itself is sensitive, caring, and open-hearted towards those very people's pain simply by presenting them in such a raw, honest, vivid and, in my view, moving way. To describe these people in their situation is not to condone their situation.
And Christians especially, in my view, need to learn to empathize with people who are down. And, I should add, we need to be able to be empathized with when we are down.
The point of this story, more than the answer to the question of the title, is the people in the story and how those people are affected by their views about love and how life impacts their views about love. The point of the story is the people--which is, I guess, exactly what we talk about when we talk about love.